Yes, collaboration between teams is a matter of org design, work processes, structured knowledge sharing… but sometimes the biggest problem is understanding an individual colleague’s frame of reference. Gretchen Rubin’s “four tendencies” taught me a simple but effective tool, and helped me speak somebody else’s language.
A couple of year ago I had a rather specific communication problem with somebody in my team. We got along well, there was complete mutual trust, and we enjoyed working together. And yet there was some persistent background noise that bothered us. We had this ongoing sense we weren’t entirely on the same page – mostly regarding the relative priority of tasks and the right level of detail required of pending work. “I’m a perfectionist and you’re not”, she said. That was true enough, but still didn’t quite capture it. This wasn’t a big issue, just minor annoyance level, really. Still – we wanted to better sync on our joint work, but couldn’t find the right words to stick a pin in what was going on.
Then at some point, not by deliberate search but by coincidence, I came across the work of Gretchen Rubin. She was on a podcast, I think, talking about her “Four Tendencies” framework. This is how she explained it: in our lives and our work we all encounter external expectations (such as completing a task on time) and internal expectations (like sticking to a New Year’s resolution). Based on how people respond to these expectations, Rubin differentiates four different personality types. If your tendency is to adhere to the external as well as the internal ones, for example, she labels that an “Upholder” profile. If you tend to be rather flexible, ignoring or renegotiating external and internal expectations without much anxiety, you’re a “Rebel”.
“The next one is for all you Questioners out there.”
Generally speaking, I am not a big fan of personality tests. I know people who swear by their Myers-Briggs or Birkman, but to me it’s just pseudo-science. (My wife says that is just so typically me, entirely in line with my Blue personality type.) I suppose Gretchen’s Four Tendencies aren’t scientifically grounded either, but in fairness to her it finally gave my colleague and me a language to talk about our daily experience and reason about our professional instincts. Because looking through this simple lens, we are exact opposites.
When I set myself a goal, I stick to it. I’ve trained for some pretty demanding athletic events, staying on schedule for many months without the need for accountability to a trainer or club buddies to stay disciplined. External expectations, on the other hand… Everything is negotiable, right? The combination of these tendencies makes me a “Questioner”. I can and will deliver, but only if I am convinced first that the mission makes sense.
Allison is the exact opposite. She’s incredibly responsible and reliable. Deadlines are sacred, and she’ll stick to commitments come hell or high water. Even if they are not explicitly stated, but merely implied by tradition or perception. However if it’s just between her and her, she doesn’t mind changing plans or renegotiating a little with herself. In Gretchen Rubin’s terms, that is the “Obliger” profile. Obligers are fantastic to have in your team. Just make sure they don’t kill themselves in the process of delivering. And the cruelest thing you can do to them is withhold recognition and appreciation for their work: external validation means a lot to them.
You can imagine some of the conversations we had. A request would come in from Group Control. “Holy mackerel, this thing is already due by Friday…!” “Hmmm, not sure I am entirely on board with what we try to do here…” Once we recognized these biases, it became easy for us to calibrate and agree on what to do. Being so complementary, we were a pretty unstoppable team.
Found In Translation
Credits
Words
> Stefan Verstraeten
Inspiration
> My friend and ultimate professional Allison Woolcott.
Ideas
> Gretchen Rubin’s Four Tendencies page has a link to an online quiz to plot yourself.
Photo
> Header – Scarlett Johansson and Bill Murray in Lost In Translation (2003), written and directed by Sofia Coppola and produced by American Zoetrope and Elemental Films
> Bill Murray in a karaoke bar in the same movie
